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Counsel For Hope

Mind, Body, and Spirit Counseling                                               

Available in Lincolnton or Statesville, NC

Now Offering Psychiatric Medication Management 

Call Today (704) 201-9063




Posted on 25 January, 2019 at 11:10

Gaslighting is a techique to brainwash victims and it is a strategy that is conducted by highly manipulative or partially sociopathic narcissists who walk among us in society undetected. Like child abusers, people that gaslight can easily itentify their prey, who are vulnerable to believing their lies. Gaslighting happens when the abuser systematically manipulates the environment so the victim experiences cognitive distress over a situation that is a dilemma that either was only mildly problematic or never even was present. The victim feels helpless when an idea is implanted for them to believe this terrible issue is hopeless and they turn to the abuser for protection. Because the victim is brainwashed to think the fabricated problem is real, they start to show symptoms of it, which can include, paranoia, insecurity, and acting as if the gaslighter's projection is true. The results create feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, which isolated the victim from anyone who could unmask the sociopathic gaslighter.

Adults abused as Children

Posted on 27 January, 2018 at 11:50

Abuse of any kind strikes at the heart of one's being and usually leaves a person wounded for many years, exhibiting a lack of trust, avoidance of feelings, low self-esteem, a sense of helplessness, and difficulty in relationships. Abuse can occur as sexual, physical, emotional or psychological including verbal abuse, and also emotional neglect. WIth child abuse, traumatization affects children during the critical years when they are learning about themselves, the world and developing coping skills. Neglect and abuse can lead to attachment difficulties later in life for adults. Since most child abuse happens with relationships, it is not uncommon for abused children to fear, distrust or expereince abbivalence about interpersonal closeness. They may either 1) avoid interpersonal closeness altogether or 2) accept some level of aggression in intimate relationship as the norm. This can lead to codependency. A key point is that therapy is not a cure for a sickness called child abuse it is about better coping mechanisms and better survival tension reducing behaviors.

C-PTSD Treatment Options

Posted on 4 March, 2017 at 15:00

Options a person has that is coping with C-PTSD are:

The removal of the source of the trauma, educate yourself about what has happened, acceptance that the trauma is real, important, and undeserved. A person needs to accept that the trauma came from something that could not be avoided and was stronger that the victim, and that past traumas primed the victim to decisions that brought additional undeserved trauma.  Recovery by the victim requires time and effort, and an understanding of what can be controlled and what cannot be controlled in their environment. It is important that the victim identifies and mourns the losses they have experienced. It is necessary for the victim to have a supportive environment that a allows them to discover that they are not alone. They need validation through their struggles. Therapy requires personal trauma therapy to explore past and recent traumas to free the victim from the emotional burdens and their power, and medication monitoring and management.


Posted on 27 February, 2017 at 13:25

People that have C-PTSD may feel out of balance and can experience emotional breakdowns or burst into tears instantly. They can feel unloved or no matter what they accomplish is will never be enough for others. C-PTSD makes a person want to get away from others and be by themselves, so that others will not witness what may come next. They avoid forming close friendships to avoid additional losses should another catastrophe hit again. A person struggling with C-PTSD feel the other shoe is about to drop and they will not be able to handle a minor task. Their mind becomes overly taxed on the circumstances, ruminating, that they cannot be successful at home, school, work, or in the community.

Characteristics of C-PTSD include rage that is turned inward: Depression, Addictions, Truancy, Dropping Out, Promiscuity, Co-Dependency, and trying to please anybody to address the attachment wound from their childhood. Rage can then turn outward where a person can steal, destroy property, violence, or wanting to control everything and everyone around them. Some other behaviors include learned hyper vigilance, skewed perceptions about others, seek positions of power or control, focusing on ventures where there are extreme risk, or wanting to become a fixer to make others feel better.

Some of the common behaviors of a person experiencing C-PTSD include: avoidance, blaming, catastrophizing, control me syndrome, denial, dependency, depression, escape to fantasy, fear of abandonment, hyper vigilance, identity disturbance, learn helplessness, low self-esteem, panic attacks, perfectionism, selective memory and selective amnesia, self-loathing, and tunnel vision.

Complex Post Traumatic Stress

Posted on 19 February, 2017 at 14:55

This is a disorder that is caused by prolonged exposure to social or interpersonal trauma, disempowerment, captivity, or entrapment, with lack or loss of a viable escape route for the victim. Examples of situations include domestic emotional, physical or sexual abuse, childhood emotional, physical or sexual abuse, entrapment or kidnapping, slavery or enforced labor, long term imprisonment and torture, repeated violation of personal boundaries, long term objectification, exposure to gaslighting, long term exposure to inconsistent alternating raging, and hovering, long term taking care of mentally ill or chronically ill family members, long term exposure to crisis situations.

When a person experiences a feeling of no control there is a carried emotion after the situation has been removed. This is due to the continual feel of how bad things can possibly get to, it could happen again, and there is a potential it could be worse if it happens again. There is a typical suppression of traumatic events because they feel they can handle the circumstances or they feel there is no way out. This emotional baggage is like a volcano, though, and it just requires being pushed over the edge, or a safer emotional environment emerges and the volcano will erupt. C-PTSD is different from PTSD because C-PTSD does not have to be based a single event or even a recent event. It is based on the stress of having little chance of escaping. For example, a child witnessing a death of a friend could invoke PTSD, but a child that grows up in an abusive home may experience C-PTSD.



Posted on 13 February, 2017 at 13:15

Mirroring is a technique used by manipulators to get close quickly. What happens is that the manipulator gathers information about the target either during the discussion, but usually prior to the discussion. Then in their discussion or manipulator's presentation the manipulator mentions familiar information that only the target would know to let the target identify with the manipulator quickly so the target thinks the manipulator gets her/him and they have something in common. Usually after this the target is groomed further through love bombing to further make the target feel like they have met the one person or group that gets him. Then the devaluing and discarding phases happen.

Damaging a Victim

Posted on 8 January, 2017 at 19:40

A Toxic person will take down a victim to a point where they are forced to reduce old people-pleasing habits and turns their focus inward and criticize themselves for feeling. When a victim's self-worth becomes so damaged, it requires learning how to love oneself unconditionally. In the past, when victims were young they may have not been allowed to have emotions. However, due abusive behavior of the toxic person this is an opportunity for victims to learn how to self soothe intense negative emotions.

How abusers use projection to continue to abuse

Posted on 19 December, 2016 at 11:10

Psychological projection is based on the theory in psychology where humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. However, a clever toxic person that knows something about psychology will setup their victim by telling the victim's friends and family that the victim is projecting their toxic personality onto the toxic person and the toxic person will act innocent. When the victim points out the abuse from the toxic person to friends and family,  the victim looks like they are projecting their negative qualities onto the toxic person. Then the toxic person confirms with the victim's friends and family that the victim has mental problems. This way the friends and family of the victim doubt the victim's accusations of being abused and go along with the toxic person because it relates to psychological theory and they saw what the toxic person wanted them to see, which was a baited setup. The toxic person manipulated the theory to suit their needs to continue to isolate the victim and victimize them.

Okay what do I look for?

Posted on 18 December, 2016 at 16:00

When toxic people do something that is wrong or hurtful they accept no blame and even blame others. Toxic people are willing to hurt anybody whenever it is necessary to help meet their objectives. Toxic people lie or tell partial truths to convince or confuse others to hurt their victims or their victims of their intent. Toxic people can dissociate from a crisis and show no emotions where others would react. Toxic people can be extremely charming, however, there are moments they must step away since they cannot maintain this character for a long period, and then they become cold, distant, and lack genuineness. Toxic people can be of extreme intelligence and they can use this intelligence to get ahead of their victims to plan strategies to manipulate and hurt their victims on their own or with the help of their team of other toxic people or codependents trying to win their approval. Many of the mass murderers had high IQs. Toxic people understand a person's weaknesses and learn to exploit them. Once a person's weaknesses are identified the toxic person can do most anything they want to the targets. Toxic people look for insecure, sad, and overall weak people, whose needs are unmet, and avoid strong people since they be caught and exposed. It takes time for a toxic person to gain control over a victim, but slowly they work on ultimate control without the person realizing it. Toxic people from a distance like to prey on strong people to see if they can get away with gaining control as a game without getting caught by using pawns of unsuspecting contacts, friends, and family of the victims. Toxic people figure if they stay out of the scene the victim is confused as to where the psychological abuse strikes are coming from. If a toxic person cannot control the victim direclty, they will develop a half truth or lie so they can control how others view and act toward their victims. Toxic people have a huge ego that they are superior in many ways to others, which turns out to be false, and this superiority may be visible to the public, or it may be only visible behind the closed doors of immediate family, due to the need to protect their public image. Toxic people have difficulty holding eye contact since they are afraid of empathy, however if they feel like they are undetected they may coldly stare directly at their victim. Toxic people have few genuine friends. When someone has a few friends that creates a question of the reasons. Sometimes through psychological abuse the victim is isolated to make it look like they have no friends or family that they can count on to control the victim. Usually a toxic person will have people hanging around them that are used as supporters and admirers of the toxic person and benefit it some way of associating with the toxic person in status and or monetarily and the toxic person uses this to control them. Many toxic people will move extremely fast to secure relationships before the victim has a chance to think through what just happened, they will wear a mask that fits the victim’s unmet needs to make them look like a perfect match. Then they start to isolate the victims by playing the victim with the victim's friends and family so the victim sides with the toxic person over their friends and family because they feel they have found their soulmate, based on the mask the toxic person is wearing. Baiting is something toxic people use to get their victim to react. The purposely annoy their victims for fun to show others how unstable they are or exploy their weaknesses to show how powerful they are.  Bait and switch is also used with a victim where the toxic person will fake the need for assistance only to make fun of and shame the vicitm who assists them. Also, many times toxic people with use a sad story to get the victim to feel sorry for the toxic person then the toxic person makes fun of how easy it was to get the victim to want to help with a fake story.  Toxic people can be violent since they have no empathy toward others and don't care who they hurt or use.

What is behind praise from a toxic person

Posted on 18 December, 2016 at 14:00

At first a toxic person acts extremely happy for a victim's success during this idealization and love bombing phase of the relationship. They may use the victim as a trophy to gain status and prestige of being associated with the victim. They have no problem benefiting from the victim's wealth, contacts, and status. As the relationship progresses the toxic person’s need to devalue the victim, and their competitiveness, and overall envy eat away at them, and unconsciously forces the toxic person to devalue and then discard the victim.