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Counsel For Hope

Mind, Body, and Spirit Counseling                                               

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Posted on 16 January, 2017 at 20:10

Addiction to another person and the need to control them! When co-dependents take ownership of another person's problem, they get their sense of wellbeing, by directing the behavior of the dependent person, however, they end up being controlled by the person they are trying to help. A person who has a relationship with an addicted / abusive person demonstrated certain characteristics: Increased tolerance of unacceptable behavior; denial of the level of severity of the personal impact and damage; value system that has been compromised to manage pain; reduction in life areas such as spiritual, physical, work, and family; a feeling of being trapped; strategically planning exit; and developing their own addictions.

People in most cases are not aware they are enabling and becoming co-dependent. Loving too much, or trying to do the right thing, however many times they feel guilty because their attempts are not good enough to make the person they love change. It is common for children to become codependent when a parent is either abusive or addicted or an immediate family member is.

It is documented that co-dependents often feel guilty because they believe they did something to cause their loved one to go out of control. They have tried to change the person and think somehow if they try harder, they can control the person with a problem that is controlling their life. The irrational belief is that a person can control another person, which leads to a painful cycle of failure and loss of self-worth.

Co-dependents live in a pain filled world. They live with a constant feeling of shame and fear. The ones they love cannot give them support, so they lose trust, shutting down their feelings. Since they are hiding the problem, they cannot talk to anyone. The emotional stress can create medical problems. To address this pain, co-dependents sometime make poor decisions that lead to personal addictions of their own or other behaviors that are harmful.

Christians are often susceptible to co-dependency and the church by accident can teach co-dependency behaviors. It cases where Christians attempt to love others as Christ tells us to, Christian's slip into actions that lead to co-dependency relationships, where they love too much and enable. We are all codependent on each other, but as Rom. 12:7-16;1, Cor. 12:12-27 we are to be interdependent and avoid polarizing behaviors of independence and co-dependence.


Categories: What is Co-Dependency?